I'm getting ffs tomorrow. They gave me some valium to calm me down and so that I get a good night's rest beforehand. It feels good, pretty lucid, trying to get some thoughts out. I enjoy these experiences as little practice deaths and visceral acknowledgments of how ephemeral health and mobility is. It'll be gone before I know it, and it's good to keep that in mind in real ways, like by actually fucking yourself up every now and then
bodies are like temples, they were made to be desecrated. The fear and anxiety I felt today was not pleasant, but it reminded me of all the similar times that I felt dread and excitement at the same time. These don't happen all that often in life, and I cherish them: prom, coming out, first days of school, etc.
I feel zonked out to continue and I'm not feeling like I'm getting my thoughts across the way I want to, so I'll stop
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